The Chandlers: a sickly history
by slapstick.genius
Summary: Nicholas and his father Kestrel were alone in Pigeon Hole, due to Hermina's abusive nature. As a result, he became a psychotic lothario cum psychopath of both the army and the office. He moved up from class to class and harassed his wife Alice Frazetta with brutal force, although youngest child Adam kept him in good company for decades to come.
1. The lecherous Nicholas

Nicholas was born the only child of Hermina and Kestrel Chandler in 1904. He had a terrible childhood, with Kestrel the soft mannered drunkard being the only one who actually cared for him until the son reached his teenage years, since Hermina was both abusive and neglectful to them both.

As a teen and later an adult, Nicholas earned lots and lots of money from his office and army work, and wrote poems about his possible bisexuality on many of his diaries, as well as being a potent alpha and volatile lothario in both the office and the army. He was also Peter Palmer's and Christopher Cortlandt's teacher long before Carlotta 'Lottie' Cooney became their boss, which explains why both characters frequently harassed both of them, to the point of the bored and jealous youngsters founding two competitor businesses.

Two highly infamous pupils of Nicholas were Peter Palmer's Protestant younger foster sister Bess Bunsen and Nicholas's foster child for a time, Carlotta 'Lottie' Cooney. Peter Palmer and Christopher Cortlandt, both of whom good childhood friends, were both his fellow male protegees and later on intense rivals.


	2. Amy Chandler, Army Lothario

Amy Chandler was born the middle of triplets on a sunny morning in March 1922.

Her older sister Madeline however, got abandoned by unlucky Alice in order to cloud her paternity safely, and then got picked up by a middle aged black bear mother who lost her cubs to poachers. As a result, scruffy Madeline looked unpretty, suffered many diseases when captured by a park ranger and died at the latter's custody as a ten year old.

As a child and later a teenager, Amy survived with foster sibling Carlotta Cooney and friendly rival Bess Bunsen, as well as the boys Christopher Corlandt and Peter Palmer in the orphanage, not because her birth parents were dead, but because her real paternity wasn't known to anyone until later in her life.

As an adult, she went to the army in order to train for the second world war. At the same time, she frequently harassed Chris in a fashion similar to Lottie harassing Pete! After the war, she became a hard to find office criminal, as her psychopathy pretty much led to an office different from her dad's.


	3. Deanna of Springfield

Deanna was born the youngest triplet. As a baby, she was given up for adoption by African Americans Jack Blunt and Marcia Courtney Thompson, who were in Pine Valley at the time. She was good friends with Edgar Louis Quartermaine, himself the first birth child of Charles Montgomery Burns, until they grew apart when her adoptive older sister Mary Mae Blunt fell in love with him.

As she grew older however, she became fond of carnival burlesque and went on stage alone for the first time in her life, only with both her bra and her classic briefs on. The African Americans of Pigeon hole were truly laughing at her, even though she was offended less by them but more by her birth family's neglect.

She was very proud of her burlesque stunts, although time ran out for her as her once promising career came to a halt. As a result, she retired from burlesque and became a long time schoolmarm at Springfield High school.

Deanna was also perhaps the first mistress of Abraham Simpson Jr and the actual birth mother of his son Homer Simpson. She died in Springfield in 1995.


	4. Danny, the boy with a heart condition

Danny was born in 1927 before Nick's Marriage to Alice. He was much more like his mother, plump and friendly but abused. His relationship with both parents was as strange as those of the Quartermaines in the 1800s.

He was pretty much unable to fight back bullies, even at school, because of his disastrous genetic makeup and of course his abnormal heart condition. He also did the wrong things for strange reasons, thereafter he died childless and of coronary heart disease in 1949.


	5. Ruthless Marnie

Marnie Chandler was born in May 1932. She didn't share much characteristics with both parents, so she had been in the boarding school for decades. She wasn't chatty, but her various (and often unwritten) crimes at the boarding school pretty much prevented many of her teachers from ever attending school again. She also had the luxury of abusing Christopher Corlandt for a long time, because she was the real force behind his operation.

Because she didn't care for her classmates, she became a successfully ruthless teacher herself. She remained single for much of her life until she died in 2010.


	6. The Sunny Natured bisexual twins

While technically not a twin brother to Adam Chandler, but very similar to him in looks except for ruffled titian hair, it is possible that Stuart was a twin to someone entirely different, Margot Esme.

Both Stuart and Margot Esme are fraternal twins with more similarities than differences. Even though aren't married their whole lives, they are attracted to both fellow women and men, making them sunny natured bisexuals, although their relationship feels estranged since adulthood.

They were born in August 1938 and in 1940 left Nicholas and Alice behind - due to neglect - for foster care by two deaf humans living next door. As children, they got diagnosed with autism and therefore weren't treated with drugs by the neighbourhood doctor, so the deaf foster parents understood that they're different.

As teens, they were also taught sign language and lived healthy lives since.


	7. Alice impregnated for the Last Time

After Nick served in world war two as a lothario (along with daughter Amy), he and the dying Alice Frazetta Mankiewicz still lived in Pigeon Hole, which had become a shanty industry metropolis post-war thanks to the opening of a Buzz Cola factory nearby.

A neighbourhood doctor who's a bit too ahead of his time (after diagnosing Margot and Stuart with moderate autism) had revealed that Alice had a heart condition like her son Danny. Nick was pretty happy that he had to make sex with her and surprisingly assault her as a last case scenario (until she died of such a condition).

He even intimidated her with his fairly rowdy sex toys, letting her to lie down in order to make a frigging last child! In a night of sex, he slipped her with the sperms of his protegees Mr Cortlandt and Mr Palmer, resulting in a healthy, surviving foetus and ultimately a child he had to care for.


	8. Adam was born!

Alice couldn't talk much and was swollen in the whole body. Her husband Nicholas decided to name her foetus Adam, because the foetus was definitely a male with fairly small privates. That was in February before the child was even born.

On May the 24 1951, Adam was born! Nicholas was ultimately pleased that his youngest child was a boy without a heart condition, even though the baby boy suffered (and still suffers) moderately high pressure, but Alice got abandoned by the hospital unit and - 8 months later - was starting to die of a massive heart attack.

Even as she died of such a chronic disease after ejaculating lots of her breastmilk, Nicholas bottle fed Adam with it and took care of him at home for decades. The reason why her death is known only to subsequent Chandlers, is that the doctors dumped her in the woods due to poor conditions.

Ultimately, Adam and Nicholas were left motherless and wifeless.


	9. How Adam grew up and Got Rich

As a toddler, Adam survived on scraps with Nicholas in tow, because the son did care about him but the dad never cared about the boy. He was also at the orphanage a couple of times due to his bisexual father being absent when travelling. At the same time he had only two childhood friends available, little Austin Melcher and newcomer Beaufort Buffo Giugiaro, nicknamed 'Bo', the only son of distressed Piedmontese peasants killed by corrupt landlords after WW2 (they were adopted out by Asaph Buchanan later on).

As a kid, he and Nicholas fought for scraps and fossils. Nonetheless, he did show sympathy to his dad and shed a tear when punished by him. Strange.

As a preteen, Adam was a fossil hunter for survival, harassing Peter Palmer and haggled him with money for a brief time. He also harassed and yanked the pants out of Christopher Corlandt because his dad assaulted him in WW2. Sick indeed!

As a teenager, he left West Virginia for Texas to prepare for the money trade with friends Clinton Buchanan and Bo, who themselves also hunted huge amounts of fossils. They were also reluctant flatmates.


	10. Unlucky Adam

As Adam became an adult, he earned so much money from fossil hunting that he haggled unlucky Bo to attend the army in prep for the Vietnam war, because he's not suitable for the job. Nonetheless, he did shed tears and felt some remorse when many of his friends and supposed enemies got killed in that war, except for the Buchanan brothers, who survived.

At the same time, he became villainous and rather domineering like his dad, albeit more cunning yet really lonely in nature and found out that he, Austin, Bo and Clint are all unlucky in love.


	11. RIO Nicholas

Nicholas died a diseased and toxic lothario of a man in February 1968, at sixty three years and three months, no wonder why Adam still doesn't speak much about him anyway. He'll still Rest in Obscurity, which fittingly makes sense as the whole of America will have learned a huge lesson from his pre-#metoo adventures.


End file.
